I live in Minnesota, where summer arrives like a gift and winter stays long past its welcome. I love taking my dog Kevin outside — a small cockapoo, eager to please and more eager to run — and we play fetch for exercise.
In January, when the temperature is deep enough, the ball bounces on the hard-packed snow and Kevin can track it easily. But when a slight thaw softens the surface, everything changes. The ball leaves my hand and disappears — swallowed silently into a snowbank, leaving no trace. Kevin can’t smell it. He can’t see it. He circles. He doubles back.
So I start calling it out. Cold — sharp and sure when he veers away. Warmer — stretched and soft, waaarmmer, when he changes direction and closes in. And when he is right on top of the ball, buried inches beneath him: HOT — loud and bright and immediate.
Sometimes it takes five minutes. I stand in the cold and wait. I adjust my tone consistently. I celebrate every right turn, not just the final arrival. He is persistent. I am patient. And the system works — every time — not because Kevin is exceptional, but because the feedback never leaves him without direction for long.
The Meaning
Leaders are often asked to guide people toward outcomes those people cannot yet see. The map is not available to everyone. The destination is known — to you — but the person doing the work has to find their own way there.
What makes the difference is not the clarity of the goal. It is the quality of the feedback along the way. Tone matters as much as words. A firm redirect delivered with contempt teaches fear, not navigation. Encouragement offered precisely when earned tells someone: you are on the right path, keep going. And the moment of real arrival should feel unmistakable — worth the whole cold journey to get there.
The Integration
› Do the people you lead know when they are ‘warmer’ — or do they only hear from you when something is wrong?
› What does your tone communicate, even when your words are right?
› Where are you waiting for someone to find the ball on their own, when a well-timed ‘warmer’ would change everything?
Kevin always finds the ball. Not because he is exceptional — because the feedback he receives is honest, consistent, and never leaves him without direction for long. That is not a low bar for a dog. It is a high bar for a leader.
Reveal what’s been hidden. Step into your edge.
✦ GOING DEEPER
What Is Psychological Safety? · McKinsey & Company, 2023
McKinsey’s clearest, most accessible explainer on how tone and leader behavior determine whether people feel safe to navigate — or shut down and go quiet. Draws on Edmondson’s research throughout.
Natasha is the founder of Reveal Global, LLC — an executive coaching and consulting practice working with leaders at the edge of what is known and what is possible. Drawing on more than 30 years in healthcare, education, and organizational development, she coaches the whole person: not just the leader you are, but the one you are becoming.
natasha@revealglobalcoaching.com
